NASHUA, NH—Saying he had wholly misread his office mate’s mild, occasional interest in talking to him, sources confirmed Monday that local software engineer Michael Donner had mistakenly concluded that sitting in close proximity to a coworker for eight hours each day constituted friendship. “Yeah, I guess you could say Dave [Reynolds] and I are pretty tight,” said the clearly confused Donner, appearing to believe that simply because they share an office and thus engage in brief and perfunctory exchanges from time to time, Reynolds must consider him some sort of deeply cherished companion with whom he has forged an intimate bond. “We’ll get to talking and have a lot of really great [banal discussions about the weather or lunch]. Dave and I even have our own little [two-word pleasantries voiced to avoid an awkward silence after accidentally making eye contact]. What can I say? He’s the best.” When reached for comment on the relationship, Dave Reynolds required multiple clarifications before figuring out which Michael at the office reporters were referring to.
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