SUCHES, GA—Expressing frustration that he hadn’t made a mental note when he first encountered such a stellar food source, a woodpecker was reportedly having difficulty Tuesday remembering the tree where he got all those really good bugs that one time. “I know it’s somewhere in this stretch of forest, but I can’t for the life of me recall which one of these trees had all those really delicious bugs,” said the 3-year-old pileated woodpecker, flitting from perch to perch as he searched in vain for the rotten wood that had been chock-full of particularly juicy carpenter ants and beetle larvae. “Nope, not this one. The grubs here are all right, but they’re just not in the same league as that super-primo stuff I remember getting around here last time. Dammit, where did it go? I’m pretty sure it was a maple, but I guess it could have been an oak. Ugh, I’m so forgetful.” At press time, the woodpecker speculated that spending every day banging his head repeatedly against tree trunks might be bad for his memory.
More from The Onion