Woman Wouldn’t Have Wondered Aloud How Microwaves Work If She Knew Friend Was Going To Launch Into Answer

Illustration for article titled Woman Wouldn’t Have Wondered Aloud How Microwaves Work If She Knew Friend Was Going To Launch Into Answer

RICHMOND, VA—Regretting her decision to try and make small talk, local woman Rebecca Lockier admitted Monday that she wouldn’t have wondered aloud how microwaves work if she knew her friend Martha Kempner was going to launch into an answer. “I was trying to avoid the uncomfortable silence while my popcorn popped, but now I have to listen to this whole academic lecture on the science behind microwaves,” said Lockier, explaining that she just wanted to eat her snack instead of receiving a long, drawn-out lesson on why the appliance gets hot after she presses a button. “Shut up, shut up! I could have looked it up on my phone if I really cared that much, but no. Now I’m stuck here as she goes into the nitty gritty about how microwave radiation excites polar water molecules. Jesus fucking Christ, now she’s launching into why putting tin foil in causes sparks.” At press time, Lockier was still listening to Kempner’s explanation after finishing her popcorn.