FITCHBURG, WI—Exerting a considerable amount of mental effort on twisting and reshaping the dreams she’s held since she was a child, local woman Abby Bowers reportedly struggled this week to contort her personal goals and ambitions into the shape of a dental technician. “The hours certainly aren’t bad, and it pays pretty well, plus I like working with people—I could definitely be happy being a dental tech,” said Bowers, straining to apply sufficient pressure to her educational and professional aspirations to forcibly bend them into something resembling a two-year track at a local technical college and a career repairing bridges and crowns. “I’ve always really liked science, and I’d get to take a biology course if I do this. And I wouldn’t have to work holidays, which is nice. It’s actually a really great career.” At press time, Bowers was laboring to mentally pare her lifelong passion for music down to the size of a hobby pursued only in free moments on the weekend.

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