Illustration for article titled Woman Mentally Rifles Through Friends For Perfect Person To Sympathize With Current Pettinessem/em

NEW YORK—Considering and rejecting names at a rapid clip, local woman Michelle Alghabra mentally rifled through over a dozen friends Tuesday in search of the perfect person to sympathize with her latest petty conundrum. “Alison is usually my go-to for a sympathetic ear, but she might not see this as that big of a deal and start preaching about forgiveness and turning the other cheek, and I just don’t need that right now,” said Alghabra, pouring herself another glass of wine while taking stock of potential commiserators. “Beth just wouldn’t get it, Tina would just make it all about herself somehow, and Alicia might say I’m being small-minded and obsessive. Honestly, I’m just about ready to call Kristen, and all she ever does is say, ‘Oh, yeah,’ every time I pause for breath.” Alghabra eventually settled on Liz, who, if contacted after 3 p.m., would most likely be drunk.

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