MODESTO, CA—Evidently undertaking the next maneuver in her endless series of bewildering mind games, infinitely perplexing woman Haley Mueller cryptically told Pete Summers Friday evening that she wasn’t interested in dating him. “She keeps sending these weird text messages that say she wants me to stop calling her,” said Summers, who clarified that he’s tired of trying to interpret what it means when she walks away from him at parties after telling him she never wants to see or speak to him ever again. “She needs to make up her mind and tell me what she wants so we can get on with our lives, for Christ’s sake. What does ‘I have a serious boyfriend’ even mean?” As of press time, Summers had sent a worried text asking Mueller if she was feeling okay or if she wanted to meet up for coffee and talk.
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