LOS ANGELES—Citing her can-do spirit, belief in her own talents, and considerable trust fund, aspiring screenwriter and playwright Dasha Rothwell confirmed Monday that she was confident she had the safety net it would take to achieve her dreams. “I truly feel I have what it takes to pursue my creative and personal goals here in a big city. Even if it means pounding the pavement in my Lexus hybrid, only dining out five or six times a week, and forking out that much more for rent each month, I’ll just buckle down, grit my teeth, and ask my parents for the extra cash,” said Rothwell, 24, stressing that she’s not afraid of failure or having to start back at square one, as she would suffer no financial or material repercussions whatsoever in doing so. “Look, I know that there are huge risks involved in dropping everything to chase your dreams, but I’m more willing to go out on that ledge than most people, because I have faith in my dream and in the financial advisors who are ready to cushion my fall.” At press time, the rejection of her script by two studios had forced Rockwell to consider a return home in disgrace to New York, where she would put aside her dreams and help run her family’s multi-million-dollar investment firm.
More from The Onion