AUSTIN, TX—Releasing a deep sigh as she turned around and reentered the building, local woman Rebecca Dwyer reportedly began a defeated slog back upstairs to her apartment Wednesday to retrieve a forgotten facemask. “I’m probably fine without—wait, no, ugh, I should go get it,” said Dwyer, who wearily trudged back up the three flights of steps after debating for several seconds about how big of a threat coronavirus actually was before conceding that face coverings were, in fact, still necessary. “Wait, maybe I could just cover my mouth with my shirt when people pass? No, that won’t work. Fuck, it’s always something.” At press time, Dwyer realized she had forgotten her bottle of hand sanitizer upon reaching the bottom of the stairs for a second time.
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