‘Well, They’re Harmless And They Help With Pests,’ Says Man Deciding Against Squashing Cat

Illustration for article titled ‘Well, They’re Harmless And They Help With Pests,’ Says Man Deciding Against Squashing Cat

MILWAUKEE—Talking himself out of immediately killing the creature as it crawled from underneath his bed, local man Tim Wolinski was overheard Tuesday saying, “Well, they’re harmless and they help with pests,” as he decided against squashing a cat found inside his home. “Ugh, those things are so creepy, but technically they’re pretty good at catching critters so I guess I’ll let it be,” said a visibly shaken Wolinski, who set down the shoe he’d raised over his head to smash the organism after catching sight of its hairy, spastic legs in his periphery, hoping instead it would help reduce the population of smaller pests around the apartment. “The way they dart around just makes my skin crawl. Plus, the large glassy eyes and huge nasty fangs really freak me out. My impulse is to immediately smash it, but I guess it’s not really bothering anyone over there and I hate the sound they make when you squish them—you can really hear the crunch. As long as it stays in the corner where I can keep an eye on it, it should be fine, but if it jumps on me that’s a different story. How the hell do they keep getting in here?” At press time, Wolinski had reportedly managed to encourage the intruder to climb onto a piece of cardboard, which he then shook out the window of his third-floor apartment.

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