Weirdly Pro-Life French’s Ad Says Embryo Can Taste America’s Favorite Mustard As Early As 6 Weeks

Illustration for article titled Weirdly Pro-Life French’s Ad Says Embryo Can Taste America’s Favorite Mustard As Early As 6 Weeks

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Prominently displaying various warnings, including that “the cravings begin at 18 days,” French’s reportedly came under fire Wednesday after a series of new, oddly pro-life billboards said that an embryo can taste America’s favorite mustard as early as six weeks. “Mom, if you’re reading this, I wanted to thank you for not only choosing life but also French’s for all our burgers, hot dogs, and french fries,” read the confusing 14-by-48-feet ads, which reportedly appeared out of nowhere and showed a wide-eyed newborn sucking on a bottle of French’s mustard, as well as various embryos at different stages of taste development labeled “classic,” “Dijon horseradish,” and “stone ground bourbon.” “At just 6 weeks old, I’m no bigger than a pea, but I already know that I love the tangy, irresistible zing of vinegar and spices that French’s brings to any barbecue. So tell me—if I have a beating heart and a love for classic condiments—do I deserve to die?” At press time, several French’s employees were arrested after an oddly pro-life viral stunt where they shot up a Planned Parenthood.

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