MEMPHIS, TN—Revealing elevated tensions in the group, washboard player Jimmy Phelps confirmed Tuesday that he was tired of his jug band’s spoons guy getting all the chicks. “I do a lot of leg work setting the tone for the whole show, yet the ladies are all over that jackass,” said Phelps, watching with envy as female fans rushed to get photos and autographs from the self-confident spoons player. “What an arrogant prick walking up on stage in his flashy overalls and straw hat and showboating like that. I mean, obviously, the jug guy is going to get some attention because he’s the leader, but the spoons guy? Really? They’re a dime a dozen. It’s actually really hard to find a quality washboard player these days. Besides, I joined Colonel Pillbox’s Jug Band & Company way before he did, so it’s only fair I get some acknowledgment.” At press time, Phelps decided to drown his loneliness and heartache in bathtub gin.
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