Illustration for article titled Warm, Syrupy Pleasure Coursing Through Man’s Veins After Big Hit Of Mattress

OGDENSBURG, NJ—Taking hold of his body almost immediately, warm, syrupy pleasure was coursing through the veins of area man Matt Riley after the 30-year-old took a huge hit of mattress, sources said Monday. “Oh, God, that’s it, yeahhhh,” said a slumping Riley, whose eyes rolled back in his head as he nodded off, euphoria pulsating along his every nerve and obliterating all the pain in his life. “Ahhhh, yes, that’s good shit, tha—mmmmmmmmm.” At press time, a sweating, panicked Riley had come down from his state of bliss after waking up and was now thinking about nothing else but his next fix.


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