ALEXANDRIA, VA—Complaining of intense abdominal cramping and diarrhea, more than two dozen patrons at La Bergerie reportedly fell violently ill Thursday night after witnessing a marriage proposal. “My wife and I got really sick, and we’re pretty sure it was that ring in the champagne glass that did it,” said Stephen Fitzgerald, 45, who told reporters he was able to suppress his nausea only until the bride-to-be began crying and called her mother, at which point he hurried to the restroom to vomit for several minutes. “I mean, it could’ve also been the string quartet that came out of nowhere while the guy dropped to one knee, but there’s no doubt in my mind it was something in that proposal. Honestly, I’m getting a little queasy just talking about it.” Fitzgerald added that he’d likely never go back to La Bergerie, but if he did, he’d definitely steer clear of the tables near young couples.

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