Illustration for article titled Teacher With Brand-New Chalk Holder Must Have Come Into Some Money Recentlyem/em

OXFORD, MS—Sensing that their colleague had suddenly moved up in the world, break room sources at Randall Elementary School reported Wednesday that fifth-grade teacher Patricia Adams—who was earlier spotted with a new set of chalk holders—must have come into some money recently. “Damn, looks like Patty’s become something of a big spender—whoah, are those things metal?” said fellow teacher Melissa Schermer, noting that the brand-name Creativity Street accessories were way too pricey to afford on their modest salary. “Word on the street, too, is that she’s now keeping a three-pack of the good staples in her desk. Which begs the question, is there something she’s not telling us?” Cafeteria sources later reported that Madame Moneybags had developed a suspicious taste for Perrier.

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