LOS ANGELES—Saying it was the biggest one he’d seen in quite some time, star tour operator Max Peterson on Thursday pointed out a massive Kevin Costner dropping to a group of awestruck passengers. “As you can see from the amount of leaves, seeds, and other vegetation in the excrement, Kevin Costner is an herbivore,” said Peterson, explaining to the amazed tourists aboard the double-decker bus that the Field Of Dreams star typically foraged for edible plants and berries in the Hollywood Hills. “I’d say this dropping is pretty fresh—one or two days old at most. So keep your cameras handy. You never know when he might emerge!” Peterson went on to say that Costner’s dropping might even be the largest he had ever encountered aside from the truly gargantuan mounds of feces produced by Kevin James and Taylor Swift.

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