NEW YORK—Realizing too late the grave mistake he had made while absentmindedly running through bids during an estate sale, skilled Sotheby’s auctioneer Malcolm Carpio accidentally sold himself for $2.5 million, sources confirmed Friday. “Oh god, what have I done?” said Carpio, who started the sale of his own person at $800,000 and took multiple bids before declaring the man in the striped shirt sitting at the back the winner. “No, no, no! Cancel that! I am not an item! Please don’t—let go of me!” At press time, Carpio had been dusted off by white-gloved attendants and packed into a crate stamped “Fragile,” and was reportedly en route to Malibu to be displayed in entertainment magnate David Geffen’s private collection.
More from The Onion