Sex Ed Teacher Must Not Have Been Able To Hack It As Professional Sex Worker

RED WING, MN—Noting that the industry probably “chewed him up and spit him out,” classroom sources at Sanford Middle School speculated Wednesday that sexual education teacher Nathan Brown, 33, must not have been able to cut it as a professional sex worker. “It’s kind of depressing to think of Mr. Brown struggling for years to break through as a male escort, leaving him with no choice but to turn his talents to education,” said 8th-grader Sara Bowden, as she watched a droning Brown listlessly point to a diagram of the female reproductive system. “It has to be tough to come back to your hometown with your tail between your legs after failing to become L.A.’s hot new sexual superstar. I just hope he can find a quiet joy in passing down his knowledge of sex to us.” Brown’s students, who overall expressed respect for his work and guidance, were unanimous in vowing to learn from his experience and never end up stuck in some dead-end teaching job.

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