Illustration for article titled Serial Killer Annoyed By Young Murderers With No Appreciation For Albert Fishem/em

SEATTLE, WA—Saying they had no respect for the luminaries who had come before them and helped pave the bloody way, serial killer Gerald Pinkney expressed his annoyance Wednesday with young murderers who held no appreciation for innovative child rapist and cannibal Albert Fish. “Man, these millennials think they invented wholesale homicide, but they haven’t got a clue about the revolutionary work Fish was doing a century before they even came onto the scene,” said Pinkney, 52, expressing his frustration that the most recent generation of killers barely seemed aware of the notorious torture-killer who terrorized New York in the early 20th century. “The man did more using a saw, meat cleaver, and butcher knife than these youngsters could ever hope to with their power tools and dentistry instruments, but you try mentioning ‘The Moon Maniac’ or ‘The Werewolf Of Wysteria’ to them and they just give you this blank look. They’re all ‘Dahmer this,’ and ‘Gein that’—just no idea whatsoever that those guys were following in Fish’s footsteps. It’s total bullshit.” Pinkney added that he was doing his part to help educate bloodthirsty young sociopaths by making several direct references to Albert Fish in his latest work.

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