Rookie Forest Ranger Not Getting Hopes Up About Seeing Tree On First Day

SHERIDAN, WY—Lowering his expectations in an effort to avoid disappointment, rookie forest ranger TJ Hayward told reporters Friday that he was not getting his hopes up about seeing a tree on his first day of work. “If it happens, that would be great, but I’m not going to hold my breath for a lodgepole pine on day one,” said Hayward, noting that one of his colleagues who has already been there over six months hasn’t seen even a single spruce or fir yet. “Of course I’d love to come across a majestic aspen in the wild, but I know it could be years before that happens, if it happens at all. I’ll just keep an eye out for any tree droppings that I may notice on the trails. I know that if I see a squirrel, there’s probably a tree nearby.” At press time, Hayward was speechless and on the verge of tears after stumbling upon a beautiful, towering wooden utility pole.

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