MARSHFIELD, MO—In what the community believes to be something like the fifth such incident since the location’s grand opening in 2011, south side Marshfield sources reported Thursday that someone has robbed that one KFC yet again. “Yeah, that place is always getting robbed. I wouldn’t go in there if I were you—place is a magnet for stickups,” said local resident and once-frequent Garfield Avenue KFC customer Yannis Mikotis, who was forced to modify his lunch plans upon hearing of the chicken restaurant franchise’s most recent brush with crime. “Sucks, because it was the closest KFC to where I work, but I should probably find somewhere else to go for the next couple months or so. No big surprise they got robbed, since it’s across the street from that Little Caesar’s where that guy got stabbed in the parking lot.” Mikotis was eventually forced to figure out yet another backup lunch plan after learning another employee had killed themself in the bathroom of the South Clay Street Del Taco.

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