Report: Some Crazy Shit Probably Happened To Classmate Being Raised By Grandmother

DENTON, MD—Gathering in the school’s hallways and around lunch tables to exchange stories about the 11-year-old, students at McLane Junior High reported Monday that some crazy shit must have happened to their classmate Jacob Morse, who is currently being raised by his grandmother. “Remember last year, when his grandma came to our winter concert but his parents didn’t? That’s when I was like, whoa, something’s probably really messed up with him,” said fellow sixth-grader Ryan Herrera to a small group of his friends, just several of the dozens of students who were actively speculating what totally batshit insane circumstances could have led Morse to end up getting dropped off at school every day in an old station wagon by a woman in her mid-60s, and not his mother or father. “I heard that Kevin [Freeland] stayed over at Jacob’s house and his grandma opened the door and let him in, and she made dinner for them, and then drove Kevin home the next morning. Kevin said that no one mentioned anything about where Jacob’s mom or dad were at all. So you know whatever happened had to have been real, real bad.” Members of Morse’s class later added that they didn’t even want to think about what was up with their other classmate who moved in from out of state halfway through the year and stayed for two months before moving again without explanation.

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