PITTSFIELD, IL—Questioning exactly how the marsupial even made its way to such a small roadside attraction, local father Kyle Conrad, 43, confirmed Tuesday that a kangaroo at the Sherman Farm’s Petting Zoo could not possibly be a good thing. “Man, there’s no way that a kangaroo should just be sitting in a dirty pen at some guy’s farm, right?” said Conrad, stressing that there was no reason to believe the zoo’s sole handler had any idea how to care for an Australian mammal like this one, which was crouched next to a bale of hay alongside enclosures containing a pig, several goats, and a Shetland pony. “I’m assuming that a kangaroo should be jumping around all over the place if he’s healthy. This one hasn’t really moved since we got here. You’re definitely not supposed to just let kids feed pellets to it, either. Jeez, this seems pretty bad.” At press time, Conrad’s concern had dramatically escalated after overhearing the petting zoo’s owner repeatedly refer to the kangaroo as a dingo.
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