OAK PARK, IL—Noting that the musicians had left their straight-line formation and stopped very cleanly, sources confirmed Friday that the Fenwick High School marching band was definitely in the shape of something. “I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be, like, a flag or trapezoid, or maybe another type of square-looking shape,” said Michelle Carter, 38, squinting her eyes in an effort to discern what the amorphous mass of teenagers assembled at midfield was meant to represent. “Man, I have no idea. It’s definitely intentional because they all know their marks and they’re all clapping at the same time. Maybe it’s the school mascot? Or an amoeba? Eh, I probably just can’t tell because I’m not high up enough in the bleachers.” At press time, Carter reported that while the band was definitely marching in some kind of almost-recognizable formation, no one had any idea what they were playing.

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