VICTORIA, SEYCHELLES—Welling with pride as the child made his initial $2 million deposit, hedge fund billionaire Seymour Gansthorpe reportedly helped his son Elwin, 8, open his first offshore bank account, sources reported Tuesday. “These are the kinds of things you live for as a dad: getting to watch your little boy start funneling vast sums of untraceable wealth through a shell corporation of his very own,” said Gansthorpe, recalling that it was around this age that his father first sat him down and taught him the ins and outs of stashing capital far away from the prying eyes of the IRS. “I’m just glad I got to help guide him through this important rite of passage. He may not realize it now, but laundering money through quasi-legal banking operations in the middle of the Indian Ocean is a skill he’ll use for the rest of his life.” Gansthorpe added that he wanted to savor the moment, since “in the blink of an eye” he’d be buying his son’s way into college.

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