JACKSON, MS—Squandering the fresh and largely intact remains for no apparent reason whatsoever, sources reported Monday that a perfectly good body was cremated. “It’s a shame to see a nice corpse like this go to waste,” said mortician Ron Vidal, placing into the cremation chamber what he thought, despite missing a few teeth and light bruising here and there, was a body that was “practically good as new.” “There’s still a lot you can do with this, and they just want to incinerate it like some piece of garbage. And once it’s burned up, what good will it be to anyone? I guess people are willing to get rid of anything these days.” At press time, the now-useless ashes were just taking up space in an urn.

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