Party Guest Figures Bedroom Dresser Probably Where Host Wants Everyone To Leave Empty Cans

NEW YORK—After briefly considering surfaces such as the nightstand, the bookshelf, the toilet tank, and the top of the refrigerator, party guest Ryan Brown decided Friday that the bedroom dresser was probably where the host wanted everyone to leave their empty beer cans. “Someone just left a PBR on the floor—rude—but I’m pretty confident [party organizer] Natalie meant for them to be up here, between a framed photo of her nephew and a lamp,” said Brown, adding that she would most likely want attendees to crush the cans beforehand, allowing residual amounts of liquid to spill out and dry on the wood surface. “Obviously, we’re supposed to pour the dregs of our beverages into this potted plant, but where would she prefer I put any pull tabs that separated from their cans? Logically, also on the dresser. I left a collection of them in her kitchen sink last time, but I was pretty drunk. Common sense says she’d want them right here on the cherry chest of drawers.” Brown eventually noticed a collection of various drink containers piling up in a difficult-to-reach area behind the couch and was inspired to drop his empty can there.

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