SCOTCH PLAINS, NJ—Stressing they did all they could to make sure he was comfortably detonated, local parents Linda and John Crowley gently explained Friday to their son why the family dog had to be blown up with dynamite. “I’m sorry we have to tell you this, sweetie, but Rocky was old and in a lot of pain, so your father and I had to blow him up last night,” said Linda Crowley, who assured the 8-year-old boy that it was normal to feel sad or confused, adding that it was just the beloved German shepherd’s time to get obliterated to smithereens by a 1.5 ton blast of nitroglycerin. “Rocky was fairly out of it and didn’t seem to know what was happening, so we were extra gentle when strapping the sticks of dynamite to him. We loved Rocky, too, so please know we would never have let him suffer during the three seconds that elapsed during the explosion.” The parents reportedly went on to explain to their son that Rocky was in several better places now.
More from The Onion