Panicked Woman Scrambles To Write Down ‘$750’ Before 24-Hour News Cycle Wipes Memory Clean

Illustration for article titled Panicked Woman Scrambles To Write Down ‘$750’ Before 24-Hour News Cycle Wipes Memory Clean

DULUTH, ID—Throwing open drawers and tossing the entire contents on the floor as part of her desperate search, local woman Lisa Rhodes was reportedly scrambling Monday to find a pen and paper to write down “$750” before the 24-hour news cycle completely wiped her memory clean. “Come on, come on, there’s got to be a marker or maybe a lipstick or something somewhere I can use to remind myself,” said the increasingly frantic Rhodes, repeating the words “Federal Income Tax’’ over and over to herself as the knowledge of the bombshell report outlining the president’s chronic tax avoidance already began to fade. “Here we are...have to remember...Federal...Federal...Donald Trump did...something bad...with The New York Times? Damn, it’s gone.” At press time, a confused Rhodes was staring at a slip of paper featuring a handwritten number “7,” which she could only assume had something to do with the upcoming Supreme Court nomination fight.

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