BOSTON—Stressing the importance of taking the necessary precautions ahead of the procedure, ophthalmologist Brett Patel reportedly instructed his patient Alice Wahlberg Thursday not to look at anything 24 hours before her upcoming eye surgery. “In order to ensure optimal operating conditions, it’s very important to avoid taking in any visuals the day before your canaloplasty,” said Patel, explaining that maintaining a completely empty eyeball would make it easier for surgeons to navigate around the iris. “Restrict your intake to some light glancing 48 hours before, and by midnight the day of, you shouldn’t be consuming any images whatsoever. This includes panoramas and vistas, as well as any and all shapes, patterns, and colors.” At press time, a frustrated Wahlberg had been forced to reschedule her surgery after gorging on an entire sunset.
More from The Onion