BELLEVUE, NE—Noting that the presence of the deceased body was sucking all the energy out of the room, several sources confirmed Wednesday that the open casket was really ruining the vibe at a local funeral. “We had a good thing going at first, but once you see the dead body in the casket, it’s a major buzzkill,” said funeral attendee Ben Perry, adding that what was supposed to be a celebration of his uncle Charlie Orensen’s life was quickly becoming a huge downer because everyone could see his late relative’s corpse. “There are all these cool old pictures, and everyone’s reminiscing about how great Uncle Chuck was, but then you see him lying there dead out in the open, and it totally wrecks the mood. You just can’t get past it, especially since it’s right there in the middle of everything. All of the seats are even facing the open casket, so you pretty much have to look. This is totally lame.” At press time, several funeral attendees were trying to move large floral arrangements in front of the open casket in an effort to forget about the dead body.
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