Illustration for article titled Only Person Who Ever Truly Saw World For What It Is Starts Antidepressant Medication

DAYTON, OH—Voluntarily surrendering the remarkable talent that gave her profound insight into the true nature of existence, the only person with the ability to see the world for what it actually is has started taking antidepressants, sources confirmed Thursday. Like a divine seer who blinds herself rather than face the overwhelming light of truth, Ingrid Pearson—the 28-year-old account manager and sole individual capable of seeing through the facade of joy and meaning human beings project upon their lives—reportedly relinquished her unmatched perceptivity by filling a prescription for Zoloft from her primary care physician. According to sources, Pearson had carried the burden of her vast wisdom from her teenage years up until this week, when the daily 50 milligram dose of her medication began to correct for her brain’s serotonin deficiency. At press time, accounts confirmed Pearson had already capitulated to the cosmic farce of humanity by enjoying a night out with friends instead of brooding over the cold and vast nothingness of the universe.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter