SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Folding the board to funnel a jumbled mess of cards and pieces into the game box, negligent oaf Patrick Flavell reportedly packed away a Monopoly set on Thursday without so much as a thought for future players. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I sat down and played this,” said the mindless slob as he gathered up the other players’ multicolored money and haphazardly tossed the piles into the box, ensuring that the next group of players would have to completely re-sort the bills. “With all the technology we have now, it’s easy to forget how much fun it can be to play an old-fashioned board game.” Reports indicate that hours later, the unthinking doofus—who had swept a trail of muffin crumbs into the box along with a number of unused hotels—discovered he had the top hat piece in his pocket.

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