WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault. “Clearly, something doesn’t add up about that kid, but I can’t quite put my finger on it,” said Salt Lake City resident Bethany Robbins, one of the hundreds of millions of Americans made uncomfortable by the combination of the boy’s bowl haircut, unnaturally erect posture, and unflinching stare. “Maybe it’s the strange tone of his voice? Or the way he swings his hands when he walks? Like, just a little too much. Whatever’s going on, it’s simply not normal.” Reached for comment, Nault reportedly narrowed his eyes and smiled slowly using only one side of his mouth.

Advertisement