ABITA SPRINGS, LA—Having carefully followed the recommended guidelines for clearing her bowels prior to the medical test, local mom Anne Kappas would not stop talking about how her doctor had praised the thoroughness of her preparation for a recent colonoscopy, sources confirmed Monday. “He told me I did everything correctly with the clear-liquid diet the day before, which I guess really helps clean all that stuff out of there,” Kappas wrote in one of 17 texts about the matter sent to family members, many of whom reportedly tried and failed to change the subject at several points during the exchange. “I was surprised when he said I was one of the best-prepped patients he’s ever had, but apparently some people he sees don’t even finish the full gallon of their laxative solution, if you can believe that! He also seemed really impressed that I didn’t have any polyps or lesions or anything, so it looks like my colon’s in pretty good shape.” At press time, reports indicated the family was relieved after their mother excitedly explained the doctor had told her she wouldn’t need another colonoscopy until 2030.
More from The Onion