Mom’s Latest Halloween Decoration Just Rustic Wooden Sign That Says ‘Bones’

Illustration for article titled Mom’s Latest Halloween Decoration Just Rustic Wooden Sign That Says ‘Bones’

SUDSBURY, MA—Stressing the festive item lacked any discernible frightening imagery or spooky embellishment, family sources confirmed Wednesday that 52-year-old mom Diane Mathieu’s latest Halloween decoration was just a rustic wooden sign that says “bones.” “Yeah, I was expecting maybe a scary font or some cobwebs or skeletons in the corner, but just ‘bones,’ huh? Alright,” said 17-year-old son Peter Mathieu, who noted that in a previous year the family had purchased a color-changing light-up skull before admitting that the unembellished sign participated in a tradition that included a hand-stitched pillow solely featuring the word “spooky.” “Look, I’m not trying to get too down on Mom. She has a corn stalk bundle on the front porch, so I guess that’s at least fall themed, but not exactly spine-tingling.” At press time, family members were relieved after discovering dozens of festering corpses left by their mother in the basement.

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