Mom Casing Grocery Store Ahead Of Big Sale

Illustration for article titled Mom Casing Grocery Store Ahead Of Big Sale

DENVER—Hoping to get the lay of the land before the day arrived, area mother Alice Zeitman was reportedly casing her local grocery store Thursday ahead of a big sale. “We need to make sure that the actual operation goes off without a hitch, so I’m gathering as much intel as I can ahead of time,” said Zeitman, discreetly taking note of any potential obstacles during the first step in her elaborate plot to slip in and out of the shop while scoring untold canned goods, toiletries, and perishables. “It’s a three man job—I’m the brains, my husband’s the wheel man, and my son Billy can wriggle into the tightest walk-in freezer and make it out with a box of chicken nuggets. This is going to be a ton of planning, and a lot of luck, but if we do it right, we won’t have to get groceries again for weeks.” At press time, the stakes had been raised considerably after Zeitman caught sight of a rival mom downloading the store’s schematics.