‘You Were So Little,’ Murmurs Mom

Illustration for article titled Mom Announces Plans To Get Out Some Of Your Old Baby Stuff And Quietly Stare At Item/em

PHOENIX—Murmuring to herself about how breathtakingly small you once were, your mother formally announced Tuesday her plans to get out some of your old baby stuff and quietly stare at it. “Sometimes, seemingly out of nowhere, I remember what a happy baby you were,” said your mom, confirming her intention to sit in your room, warmed somewhat by a ray of buttery light from the setting sun, sighing wistfully while gently caressing your old onesie with one papery, aging hand and gently shaking her head in disbelief at how quickly the time had passed. “Where did all those years go? One minute I’m nuzzling this tiny little warm creature, so small I have to hold its sweet-smelling head up, and the next you’re off God knows where in the world, all grown up. I’ll never get that time back.” At press time, your mother has reportedly been inquiring as to what she did wrong for that sweet little angel to turn out the way you did.

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