NEW YORK—Calling the atmosphere on the sidewalk across the street “positively electric,” sources confirmed Thursday that the local methadone clinic must be having some sort of big party. “Man, it’s only 3 p.m. and there’s already a line around the block,” said Bruce Riley, 32, adding that the party must have been “totally off the hook” because everybody outside seemed really excited to get in, and all of the people leaving appeared to be pretty satisfied. “How did I not hear about this? Because it seems like sort of an everyday thing. I see there’s a couple of people passed out—I guess they must have been going a little too hard. Wow, this is a pretty hip crowd. I wonder if I could get in wearing these sneakers?” At press time, Riley admitted that he would probably need to slip a $20 bill to the bouncer wearing the black nursing scrubs.

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