Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect

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CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Claiming he has “taken a good, long look” at houses, hospitals, churches, and other structures intended for human use or habitation, retail associate Arnold Drucker, 32, said Tuesday that since he has been in or near a great number of buildings, he assumes he would be a pretty good architect. “I mean, I’ve been in tons of buildings and I really paid attention, so I’d be starting with a pretty good leg up, especially considering the number of doors and stairs and whole rooms I’ve used. I’ve almost been in more rooms than I can count,” said Drucker, who concluded that his long history of entering, occupying, and exiting buildings has provided him with sufficient knowledge to begin designing floors, walls, or ceilings. “Now, a movie theater is different because it has lots of seats, and a library’s got to have a bunch of shelves. Museums and sports arenas are trickier, but I could probably just specialize in what I know, which is regular houses and stores. Off the bat, though, every building needs to have a bathroom, ceilings that are taller than a person, and at least one place to put pieces of furniture for sitting. Man, imagine if I sat down and really worked on this.” Drucker has since pledged to further apply himself to his studies upon realizing he has never been inside of a factory, a greenhouse, or a school.

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