ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Rending his garments and dashing towards the door as his face began to twist in anguish, distraught man Andrew Wan, brought to the verge of tears by personal news of a deeply distressing nature, reportedly burst out of a crowded room Friday like he was transforming into a werewolf. “Oh, God, no! It’s happening again,” said Wan, groaning through moistening eyes and hiding his face in his white-knuckled hands as if to hide the bristling fur bursting forth from his skin and his skull elongating into a terrifying lupine form. “Get back! For the love of God, I beseech you, avert your eyes from my hideous aspect and leave me be!” A howling Wan was later sighted running into the woods, presumably in a desperate attempt to keep his dark secret hidden.
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