Man Wastes Entire Life Chasing Unrealistic Pipe Dream Of Being Loved And Respected

Illustration for article titled Man Wastes Entire Life Chasing Unrealistic Pipe Dream Of Being Loved And Respected

AURORA, IL—Lamenting at how naive he was to believe such a thing was actually possible, 73-year-old Illinois resident Johnny Krissel told reporters Monday that he regretted wasting his entire life chasing an unrealistic pipe dream of being loved and respected. “Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve had this crazy, pie-in-the-sky idea that I could one day be valued and admired by those around me, but now look at me,” said a downtrodden Krissel, who after a long sigh, added that pursuing happiness and self-worth ended up being nothing more than a crazy fantasy. “Sure, it was insane, but I thought if I worked hard and dedicated myself, I could make myself someone that people actually enjoyed being around. But I guess my friends and family were right. I should have just stuck to being a reviled piece of shit in my hometown like everyone else instead of pissing away my twenties and thirties. Why did I even try?” At press time, a dejected Krissel told reporters he hoped his story could one day serve as a cautionary tale to young people hoping to lead a meaningful life full of emotional satisfaction.

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