Man Unsure Why He Doesn’t Feel Like Shit Today

Illustration for article titled Man Unsure Why He Doesn’t Feel Like Shit Today

MUSKEGON, MI—Expressing his confusion about the unexpected change in outlook, local man Grant Pierce was reportedly unsure Thursday why he wasn’t feeling like total shit. “It’s so damn strange, I woke up this morning and for some reason I was struck with the possibility that life might actually be worth living,” said a nonplussed Pierce, adding that he hadn’t made any lifestyle changes or received any news that would explain his burgeoning sense that he was not trapped in an unceasing hell from which he would never escape. “It’s not even like I got a full night’s sleep or started eating healthier or anything, but in this moment I’m suffused with this calm that things might kind of be okay eventually. I even cracked a smile while I was making my breakfast this morning! I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.” At press time, a relieved Pierce told reporters that the familiar sensation of abject misery had returned in full force.

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