NAHANT, MA—Suggesting a complete inability to back up his bombastic rhetoric, local man Carl Stoker, who had previously talked a big game about having a shroom hookup, had immediately folded under pressure, sources reported Friday. “Carl’s been going on and on about what a sweet connection he’s got, but as soon as I started asking for any specifics whatsoever, he completely backtracks,” said prospective drug buyer Lee Urich, telling reporters that despite Stoker’s repeated assurances that he could procure magic mushrooms whenever he wanted through a close friend of his, the moment Urich expressed interest, he had immediately begun hedging about how it would be hard to get them right now. “He’s bragging about how he still has half an ounce of super potent caps in his freezer left over from tripping balls last weekend, but when I mention that I’ve actually been looking myself, he launches into this whole song and dance about how his friend’s actually out of town for a few weeks, and even after that he doesn’t want to annoy him too much by asking to buy more right away. He just completely wussed out, which is annoying because he’s the one who brought up this shit in the first place.” Urich went on to confirm that he would still probably hit up Stoker another eight or nine times in the next year to see if he could score some shrooms.
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