DERBY, KS—Solemnly setting down the remainder of his Turkey Bacon Ranch sub and lowering his eyes to the few chips left on his plate, local man Paul DePietro reportedly took a moment Thursday to quietly reflect on the fact that most of his lunch was already gone. “Not long ago, I had my whole meal in front of me, but in the blink of an eye it nearly all disappeared,” said DiPietro, slowly shaking his head as he noted how hard it was to believe that he only had a few bites left with the double-meat sandwich on white. “How arrogant I was, thinking my lunch would last forever. I was so preoccupied with other things that I completely forgot to appreciate what I had right in front of me. I should have savored every moment I had with it, but now…now, it’s too late.” At press time, a remorseful DiPietro was delicately reassuring the chocolate chunk cookie he had set aside for dessert, his right hand gently cradling its round form as he vowed not to make the same mistakes again.

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