PORTLAND, OR—Pointing out the Portland Art Museum and the farmers market in Shemanski Park as he guided them around downtown, area 25-year-old Daniel Hurst reportedly spent Thursday afternoon taking his visiting parents on a tour of the city he expressly moved to in order to escape them. “I think you guys are really going to love Hawthorne Street; there are all these great little shops,” Hurst said to his parents, calling their attention to various aspects of the city he had chosen to relocate to six months earlier solely because of its distance from his hometown, under the assumption that this would limit visits from his parents to once or twice at most per year. “Yeah, I like it here a lot. It feels like a big city, but it’s not too big; there’s always something going on, and [it fulfilled my searing, all-consuming urge to put as much space between myself and both of you as possible]. It’s a nice place.” At press time, Hurst was showing his parents around the apartment in which he ignores their calls on a weekly basis.

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