SAN FRANCISCO—Admitting he didn’t think he’d be utilizing intimidation tactics from his childhood this far down the line, 38-year-old Gene Booker confirmed Monday that he was surprised by how often he still uses the bullying skills he learned in high school. “I always thought destroying other people’s confidence and sense of self-worth was something I’d just do as a kid, but it’s actually been really useful in my professional life today,” said Booker, adding that he never would have gotten his promotion had he not learned to take credit for others’ work back in ninth grade and then proceeded to steal answers to every assignment he turned in the next four years. “Honestly, back then, you couldn’t have convinced me that basic skills like physical or mental harassment would ever be helpful as an adult. I mean, if you told me back then that two decades later, I’d still be spreading malicious rumors about people behind their backs in order to get ahead, I’d have said you were crazy.” Booker added that he was also surprised at how all those years spent mistreating young women in high school had really come in handy during his marriage.

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