BLOOMINGTON, IN—Drawing from deep wells of courage he had previously assumed depleted, local man Alex Delande somehow mustered the strength Wednesday to fold laundry without listening to a podcast. Eyewitnesses marveled as the audacious 31-year-old persevered through seven towels and nine pairs of pants without consuming so much as a minute of his favorite history show or learning a single factoid about the origins of the word “biscuit,” refusing to succumb to boredom as he matched sock after sock. Delande was then observed completing the arduous journey from the couch to the bedroom in total silence, powered by nothing but sheer willpower as he took the extra care to place a few shirts on hangers in the closet. At press time, Delande had left the remainder of his folded laundry in a pile on top of his dresser after wandering off to go look for his phone.
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