INDIANAPOLIS—Quietly chewing on a piece of crust as he waited for his connecting flight to arrive, local man Brett Harding silently ate a personal pizza alone in a corner at the Indianapolis International Airport Wednesday, all while having no idea that it would be the best part of his upcoming seven-day vacation. Sources confirmed that Harding, who was about to spend a whole week touring various countries in Europe and feeling nothing but constant, unceasing anxiety, was totally unaware that the 15 minutes he spent by himself staring serenely out the window at the runway and consuming a 6-inch pie would remain by far the most enjoyable part of his entire trip. According to witnesses, after spending over $2,000 on international flights and hotel rooms that Harding would only associate with guilt, fear, and an overwhelming sense of physical and mental exhaustion, buying an $8 combo meal from an airport pizzeria and eating every last bite would be the only moment during the entire vacation where he actually experienced the true joy of traveling. At press time, sources confirmed Harding was also unaware that several years down the line, he would look back on this vacation where he ate an entire personal pizza alone at the airport in complete silence as the best time in his entire life.

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