KING OF PRUSSIA, PA—Failing to even make a dent in the ultra-thin latex barrier, sources confirmed Tuesday that local man Andy Hubbard’s weak, impotent sperm was once again held back by a single condom. “Unlike more virulent men who require two or three condoms to act as birth control, Andy’s spermatozoa has consistently failed to blast through the prophylactic,” a source close to Hubbard said, referring to the 33-year-old’s shriveling flagellum and feeble acrosome as an utterly pathetic combination. “A thin layer of rubber was all it took to stop the sperm from entering the cervix and subsequently creating a weak-willed little baby. It honestly would be a miracle if those frail sperm could even penetrate an egg.” At press time, Hubbard’s sperm had hit a new low after getting stuck in the urethra.
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