Man’s Weak, Impotent Sperm Once Again Held Back By Single Condom

Illustration for article titled Man’s Weak, Impotent Sperm Once Again Held Back By Single Condom

KING OF PRUSSIA, PA—Failing to even make a dent in the ultra-thin latex barrier, sources confirmed Tuesday that local man Andy Hubbard’s weak, impotent sperm was once again held back by a single condom. “Unlike more virulent men who require two or three condoms to act as birth control, Andy’s spermatozoa has consistently failed to blast through the prophylactic,” a source close to Hubbard said, referring to the 33-year-old’s shriveling flagellum and feeble acrosome as an utterly pathetic combination. “A thin layer of rubber was all it took to stop the sperm from entering the cervix and subsequently creating a weak-willed little baby. It honestly would be a miracle if those frail sperm could even penetrate an egg.” At press time, Hubbard’s sperm had hit a new low after getting stuck in the urethra.

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