SPRINGFIELD, MA—Keeping his voice at a measured volume and holding everything back, departing employee David Hughes was really letting no one have it during his exit interview Monday, sources at local accounting firm Grier and Associates confirmed. “As soon as he went in there, he started listing off supervisors and colleagues he had worked with over the years and saying only the briefest, most courteous things about each of them—he’s sparing everyone!” said office manager Teresa Ullman as she watched Hughes through the glass conference room window, noting that her coworker appeared hell-bent on making sure every one of the complaints and frustrations that had built up over the past eight years stayed bottled up inside. “Man, he just keeps hammering management with polite agreeableness toward its policies and expressions of gratitude at having worked here. Just look at that unanimated, placid look on his face—he’s laying into absolutely nothing about the company. I’ve never seen anything like it!” Sources later reported that Hughes could be seen standing up abruptly, pointing a finger directly at the company’s HR manager, and firmly stating his hope that she would be able to make it to his going-away party later.

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